The Things They Tell Me: "I'm not ungrateful, I'm just tired"

"The poem that most relates to me is “The Unknown Citizen” because he seems to just go along with what one is “supposed” to do and I feel like that’s what I do.  I do well in school and play sports and join clubs because that’s what I’m “supposed” to do.  Realistically, not everyone has the same duties. The moment I showed I did well in school it because my “job” to always do well.  This led me to doing more in school like clubs, sports, etc. I’m not sure if I do things because I enjoy them or if I try to enjoy the things I do ....  I feel like I’m just empty and do everything robotically.  Doing well and being involved doesn’t make me happy; I have to find happiness somewhere among the pressure, insomnia, expectations, etc.  But this isn’t something others will hear about because all they see is that I’m doing what I’m supposed to.  I’m not ungrateful, just tired."

This was an excerpt from an essay that was turned in to me today.  I wonder, what is this student going to remember about high school? I doubt this kid will have much fondness or nostalgia for all those sleepless nights. Those memories will not likely be filled with fun memories, high school silliness, times spent with friends. Ironically, this very student who turned in this heart wrenching essay was mentioned by a different student, later this same day, as being an example of someone who "isn't stressed" and who can "handle the pressure of being in the top."  If only they knew that they were not alone in the struggle.

I don't understand this pressure the idea that these AP kids have to achieve PERFECTION - "only "A's" are allowed" - ALL THE TIME. When I ask them where they get this idea from, the pressure to perform, the idea that anything less than being "the best" is failure (to many of these students a "B" is unheard of, a "C," tantamount to failure), they all unanimously tell me, "my parents." As a parent, I understand wanting your child to achieve to their fullest potential - to live up to what they can do. But, what if your ideas of what your child is capable of are not realistic?  There is a difference between realistic high expectations, and pressuring your child to succeed at all costs. The pressure creates a dangerous road for students. One student I teach self-inflicts pain because of the pressure to "succeed." Another has "not felt hungry" and hasn't eaten a good meal in weeks. Many are compared to older siblings - either to "be just like" them, or to "NOT be" like the "failure" that was their brother or sister.

I often remind my students that they are "not the grades they receive" but they never seem to understand or believe it.  They seem to think that I am telling them to lower their ambitions, to not strive for greatness. What I am telling them, is that "success" in school doesn't always equal "success" in life, that sometimes failure is a good thing - an opportunity to learn, and that their value as a human doesn't come from a school report card.

"You Are Not The Grade You Receive" 

I wish I could tatoo that on their hearts and minds.