Always In My Heart - Remembering Martin and Brian

Last Christmas break I left for vacation never imagining I wouldn’t see one of my students again; he was killed the day before we were to go back to school.  As this Christmas vacation draws closer and closer, and the one year anniversary of his death grows near, I find myself remembering last year, and thinking about him. 

Martin was a person who was so ALIVE, it is still difficult to think of him as being anything but. He was so vibrant, so happy, so always full of joy.  Even for an 8am class, when most of the class was half awake, or in a semi-comatose state, Martin was wide awake. He walked in to class every day with a pep to his step. Sometimes with some sort of design shaved into his fade – his football number was one I remember, but always, always, always with a smile on his face.  Our last conversation was so insignificant – about college applications or his future plans – but like all “last” things, it took on greater meaning after he was gone. 

Mine was the first class faced with the reality of his death – he should have been there at 8am that Monday morning.  It was one of the most difficult days of my life.  What do you say to a class of high school students when they’ve just had a friend die? When they are suddenly faced with their own mortality?

Several years before Martin died, another student of mine, Brian, died after a tragic sports related injury. Brian was in my class his junior year and again his senior year.  Brian once wrote a “love poem” to the girl sitting across the aisle and got caught passing it to her. At the class’ urging, I read it out loud to the class, much to their mutual embarrassment. I still have his poem, posted on my Wall, a fond memory of a likeable kid and a funny moment in class. Our last conversation was filled with joking and teasing – Brian had just gotten a new “grill” and I was teasing him about it, never imagining that he wouldn’t be sitting in my class again the next day.

 Although I am a person who feels emotions very deeply, it is very difficult for me to express them.  I don’t know how to put into words what I feel – and I very rarely show emotion (and if, and when I do, I am very embarrassed). 

One fact that I have accepted is that my students are much more important to me than I am to them.  It is my JOB to pay attention to them, to read what they write, to listen to them talk, to discuss ideas and philosophies with them.  I am paid to know them as individuals. And I take that responsibility seriously.  But the fact of the matter is, it’s not always a two way street.  I remember as a junior in high school I was completely surprised when my high school History teacher saw me at a sporting event and knew my name. It never occurred to me that my teachers might know me outside of their classroom walls; it never occurred to me that they might actually care about me. Now that I’m a teacher, I see things differently.

When I was in high school, I had a classmate die in a car accident.  I had just moved to the area, and though I didn’t know her well, she was one of the few students at the school who was friendly and nice to the “new kid.”  One day shortly after her death, in our English class, my teacher had a meltdown  and kicked her empty desk over.   Our class was horrified mostly because we felt that he had desecrated her seat, which was sacred now that she no longer sat there.  Until Brian and Martin died, I didn’t understand his violent, emotional reaction.  But after Brian and Martin’s deaths … I understood completely.  Nothing is more real and harsh than the reality of that empty desk sitting in the classroom. The desk that had once been filled with the light and life of a student you cared about … now an empty reminder of the light and life you lost.  

I hope this Christmas you remember to cherish those who surround you with life and light and love. Because, although it may be cliché to say, life is so short and you never know when your last moments with them will be. Say the words you need to say before it’s too late – forgive, be kind, show love.

True Confessions: Nightmares

I’ve written before about my teaching nightmares. One of my worst teaching nightmares is that I will oversleep and miss my classes entirely.  This usually results in my automatic firing (whoever heard of “tenure” in a nightmare?), utter humiliation, not to mention tons of stress on my part.

This fear is so real that I usually set no less than 2 alarm clocks to wake me up in the morning, even though I normally wake before either of them actually goes off. It makes no difference that I will probably wake up before I need to – I have to set (and check and recheck) all the alarm clocks to “wake me up” on time.  This obsessive compulsive alarm clock behavior is probably because I actually DID oversleep one time and woke up with only 20 minutes to go before school started. Luckily for me, I had just graduated from college and had the whole “get up and rush out the door to class” routine down to a science.  I made it to work on time, but only just barely. It’s a good thing they were just 4^th graders – too young to notice or care if their teacher had a bad hair day or not!

One time I woke up looked at the clock and freaked out - I was late! I was late! I rushed to get ready, showered, dressed and was making my breakfast when I looked at the kitchen clock. So certain that it was wrong, I checked another – they read the same time: it was 2:30 AM.  Somehow I had misread my alarm clock (or mis-set it, I’m still not sure what happened) – and woke up at 2AM instead of my normal wake-up time. 

I have had mini-freak outs mentally if I sleep late on a Saturday or vacation day, thinking I’ve overslept and will never make it to work on time.  Nothing like a good jolt of “Oh My Gosh I’m Late!” adrenaline rush to really get you ready to face a bunch of teenagers! 

Tips: On Talking To The Teacher

Parent Conferences should be what you do when you’ve tried everything else – and by “everything else” I mean: call the teacher, email the teacher, contact the counselor, have your student talk to the teacher, write a note, send a carrier pigeon ….  There is not a teacher alive who looks forward to or enjoys the parent teacher conference.

 For one, they take up our time. Time is a precious commodity to a teacher – we don’t have enough of it as it is, and the last thing we want to do on our prep period is sit and listen to you ask questions that could have been asked and answered in an email, or a 5 min. phone call. Keep in mind when you are in a parent conference that this is most likely the LAST PLACE ON EARTH the teacher wants to be at that moment in time.

So, keep it short. Again, the parent conference is the LAST PLACE ON EARTH the teacher wants to be – she likely has stacks and stacks of papers to grade and planning to do – which cannot be accomplished while she is in the conference with you. Rambling on and on about how little Johnny won a contest in your subject area when he was in the 5^th grade (and how his 2^nd grade teacher predicted he would be President one day) really has no bearing on Johnny’s current grade in the class – stay focused on the issue at hand.

Be polite.  The teacher is not a person you want as an enemy. You do your student no favors when you are rude to her teacher.  Remember that this person hold your student’s grade literally in the palm of his hands. He may not be your favorite person in the world, you don't have to send him a Christmas card, but it would behoove you to be polite when talking to him, when asking about his teaching strategies or when questioning a grade.  

Ask questions rather than commanding or demanding things. Questions such as “Is there anything we can do to fix this grade?” are likely to work a whole lot better in your favor than “You need to change this grade.”  You may get the same answer (“No”)  – but the question technique will leave the teacher more willing to work with you than against you.  

Finally, don’t wait until  last week, last part of the grading period, the day before graduation, or once the grades have already been issued to talk to the teacher to fix whatever issue your student may be having. 

Chances are great that the longer you wait, the less the teacher can (or is willing to) do.  The same goes for problems your student may be having in the class with other students, the teacher’s personality or a specific grading issue. Once the grades have been issued, it's almost certain that a teacher will not go back and change the grade. 

Myth Busters - the truths about teaching an AP class

For almost all of my 13 year teaching career I have had at least one AP class. However, it has only been recently that I've come to realize that there are quite a few myths floating around out there in the rest of the world about teaching AP classes. I've had students, former students, and even fellow teachers ask me about these myths - so today, I'm going to set the record straight:

Myth #1 – AP teachers get paid extra to teach AP classes.

                

HA!! This is a myth I wish were true!  I have heard rumors of some AP teachers in school districts get paid a stipend much like a coach for a sports team would – these AP stipends are (in my opinion and experience) like unicorns – something we’d all like to see … but probably won’t in reality. In most school districts, teacher pay depends on two things and two things only: Education and Experience. A teacher is a teacher is a teacher – it doesn’t matter if he teaches PE or AP Economics, if two teachers have the same level of education and the same years of teaching experience, they will get paid the same amount of money. 

Myth #2 – AP teachers get to choose what they teach.

                

Again, not true.  In most districts the Administrators or Department Chairs pick who teaches what level or course within the department. While my Administrators have been kind enough to let me know in advance (and send me to AP Conferences for training when I asked for it), I had pretty much No Say in what I taught or how many sections of that course I taught. 

Myth #3 – Teaching AP students is easy because they are the “smart kids”

                

This one makes me laugh. It’s usually a myth that floats around other there in the teaching world (and beyond) perpetuated by those who have never taught and AP class. While yes, there are very many “smart kids” in an AP course, by no means is EVERY child sitting in the class a “smart” one – although, they all THINK they are (and their PARENTS think they are)! 

There are a couple of frustrating aspects to teaching the AP kids:

#1, They procrastinate like nobody’s business. They are expert procrastinators. You may as well not give them an assignment until the day before you want it due – heck, give ‘em 6 hours to turn it in – that’s when they are going to work on it anyways. You give an AP kid 6 weeks to research and write a 6 page paper – guaranteed he waits until 6 hours (or less) before the date due to even START the research.  This is partially not their fault: most AP students I’ve taught are overloaded with AP courses – some taking as many as 5 at a time (sometimes while simultaneously taking actual college courses) and being involved in band, choir, sports, volunteering, owning their own businesses, helping out the family business …. 

#2. AP kids demand their teachers bring their “A-game” every single class. Trust me, they know when you are B.S. ing them and they know when you are phoning it in at work – and they don’t tolerate either. It's a lot easier to tell a student what to think than it is to teach a student HOW to think. AP kids want to know the HOW and the WHY, not just the "what."

Yeah, this doesn't really happen in AP classes

 #3. Often the AP students will challenge the teacher on ideas/philosophies/statements/due dates/ grades received for assignments/grades they received for semesters/grades in general – basically, they like to argue. 

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Myth #4 – AP students are the “good kids”

 

             

Uh. Not all of them. AP students are just the kids who are smart and/or experienced enough to know how to get away with things and not get caught.

Myth #5 – Other than assigning more work, AP classes aren’t really all that different from other classes.

                

Well, this may be true in some AP classes in some districts, but not in my class. While often times the CONTENT might not change (let’s face it, American History is American History. Ain’t gonna change AP or not) – the Questions Asked are more difficult, and the Expectations and Demands placed on the AP student are higher than students in other classes.  What I expect my AP students to know how to do and how to think in contrast to what I expect of my other students is vastly different. The conversations my AP students have about the works we study are much more analytical and in depth than in my other courses. This is probably the biggest reason why I LOVE teaching AP – it is an intellectually stimulating environment to be in. I learn from my students. I love to give them something that they’ve never seen before and hear the conversations – the puzzlement, the excitement of “figuring it out,” the discussions over what something means – it’s fresh and new and not always right and not always intellectual … but watching them process and LEARN is rewarding. 

Common Core Controversy

In recent weeks, folks have asked me my opinion on the Common Core Standards that are being implemented nationwide (with the exception of Alaska,Texas, Virginia and Nebraska, with Minnesota only implementing the English Common Core Standards but not the Math).  

States in green have adopted the Common Core Standards

As a teacher in a State where the Common Core Standards aren’t too different than the State’s current Standards – the only exception being the inclusion of more non-fiction texts and writing in ALL subject areas (which I applaud wholeheartedly). I have listened to the rhetoric and to be honest, I find all the controversy somewhat baffling.

As an AP teacher, I am used to having national common standards and expectations to teach to – and that my students are tested on each year. However, the College Board (which governs and implements and administers the AP testing) doesn’t dictate HOW the standards are to be taught. There are recommendations to be sure, trainings and ideal syllabi available for review – but there are no required texts or “how-to” materials. I have complete freedom to teach whatever I want to teach and however I want to teach it as long as it meets the AP Standards.  I see the same freedom given to teachers of the Common Core – at least I see this happening SO FAR - in my subject area, in my district/county/State. My fear is that this will change as the Common Core is implemented and the tests become some standard of evaluating funding at the federal level.

I am a firm believer that the federal government should be more limited in its powers and the fact that the Common Core Standards is a nationwide, federally run/funded/implemented system DOES concern me. We don’t know what they will look like for subjects that have already been re-written to accommodate the liberal agenda (American History or Science standards haven’t been revealed as of yet). We also don’t know what the tests will be like or how they will be used for funding, or evaluations. 

I have a bigger problem with Standardized Testing, rather than Common Core Standards.  They are not one and the same.  The standards are the WHAT is being taught, while, in theory, the testing "measures" the HOW "effectively" it has been taught.

I am very much anti the whole standardized testing mania that has swept our nation.  I just cannot comprehend how one could base a teacher’s evaluation, and in some cases, a job on how well or how poorly a teacher’s students tested - as if a student’s motivation, home life, culture, language ability, or prior knowledge had nothing to do with his ability to score well on a test.  I see how it could make sense to a businessman, but teaching is nothing like a business. LEARNING is nothing like a business. 

I whole-heartedly agree with what this young man has to say about Standardized testing – although I think he mistakenly puts the blame on the Common Core Standards instead of the Testing.

Often you don’t realize how much you have learned until many years later. For example, I credit my 8^th grade English teacher with my college success – her "how to" basics of writing an essay worked all the way through my Master’s work.  I had no idea (nor did I appreciate) as a know-it-all 8^th grader that what she was teaching me would last me literally throughout my life.  The same can be said for students of today.  As a teacher administering Standardized tests, I have had classes where students simply filled in bubbles on the answer sheet – making designs, not even bothering to open the test booklet to see the questions.  

As an AP teacher, I have had students who scored the highest possible on the AP test yet who didn't do any work in the class – literally FAILED the entire year of coursework.  My point – standardized tests don’t tell the whole picture of the student’s ability. They give a snapshot of how a student did on THAT day, on THAT test. Given another day, that same student might have scored worse (or better).

So far, I see the Common Core Standards as being beneficial for both teachers – finally giving us the academic freedom to teach what and how we want – and the student – raising the rigor, as well as implementing and exposing them to more “real life” curriculum.  One of my biggest frustrations has been to make what I teach relevant to my students. I can see potential of how I can accomplish this with the Common Core Standards.  

I am optimistically pessimistic. I’m pretty sure that if there’s a way the government can screw up something with real potential to be good, you can bet it will - Exhibit #1 the “Obamacare” debacle.

Do Schools Kill Creativity? A TED Talk

*I discovered Sir Ken Robinson while searching for videos to show to my AP students. I absolutely LOVE him and his "revolutionary" ideas for education. (why don't men who think like this run the world? or at least get elected to make decisions about education?)  This video is one of my favorites!

I'd love to hear your thoughts/opinions/ideas on how to change education - leave a comment!

Tale About A Teacher ... Guest Post From A Former Student

*Steve was inspired by the "WTF" post to write the following tale about an experience in my class. I had forgotten about this particular event until he posted this - and I can only laugh about it now. I was literally thrown to the wolves with this class! They were smart, fun-loving, and obviously very patient with a first year high school teacher! 

I'm reminded of the day Vincent W Maling and I decided that we really didn't feel like doing yet another in-class AP test practice essay.

English was the first class after lunch and we were lamenting the hand cramps we were about to endure writing our 97th essay comparing and contrasting two passages when Vinnie said: "You know what? I'm going to write a story instead. About a lightbulb. Clarence the Lightbulb."

I thought this was all too hilarious not to join in the fun. This was right about the time that Al Gore had made his infamous 'I invented the Internet' claims, so I decided to write an essay about the extent of Mr. Gore's contributions to society, including inventing the toaster oven and a whole mess of other (false) stuff that I can't remember. It was probably not nearly as funny as I remember it, but man, that was the most fun I ever had doing a timed essay. Of note: I included a one-sentence reference to Vinnie's "classic story" about Clarence the Lightbulb.

Fast-forward to a day or two later. We got asked to stay after class, which was not exactly unexpected. But the next bit was. Laura Smith MacKenzie looked downright mean -- a look we hadn't seen since the first week or so of school when she was trying to convince us that she was a harsh taskmistress who was out to fail us all (it didn’t work).

She said we were in trouble for cheating. Huh? Vinnie and I looked at each, quite confused. Cheating implies we were trying to get a better grade, when the reality was closer to intentionally getting a bad grade. She said we had clearly exchanged information about the essay because of my mention of Clarence the Lightbulb. Before we could finish processing this, Mrs. MacKenzie told us that she had spoken to Mrs. Warner (head of the English department) and Mrs. Warner had talked her down in terms of our punishment and she wouldn’t be turning us in for “cheating” – but we did get a lunch detention or “LD” as we called them and a 0 on the in-class essay. It was fair enough.

Later I talked to Mrs. Warner about it and she couldn’t help but chuckle. She had read our “essays” and gotten a kick out of them. She did explain to me that by blowing off that essay in the manner that we did, we made Laura feel like we were disrespecting her class. We weren’t (intentionally). We were just bored with comparing and contrasting, figured we would be ok with one fewer practice essay, and honestly thought Mrs. MacKenzie might enjoy a nice respite from 100 scribbled essays about the same two passages.

So, sorry about that. Purely boredom-related mischief.

Students Are The Real Teachers ... Part 2

He wore the same pair of navy blue pants with the same white button up shirt every single day.  He had worn out black dress shoes; I don’t recall him having a jacket for the winter months.  He was obviously poor.  His accent was thick; English was his second language.  But his smile was one in a million. Every day he had the biggest, brightest smile. He was genuinely cheerful - more than cheery – he was joyful - brimming full of joy, as if he had the elixir to life itself.  It was real, genuine, true – beyond “happiness” – the only word to describe it is JOY. He seemed delighted just to be ALIVE.

I couldn’t understand it.  At 17, an age where most kids would do anything to fit in – he didn’t seem to care.  He was obviously very poor, struggling to make the grade in my class; his graduation status was questionable; college was out of the question due to his grades and financial state. He was a nice guy, friendly to everyone in class, but seemed to not have any really close friends – and yet …. and yet … he acted like he had just won the lottery. Every. Single. Day. 

I finally asked him, “Juan, WHY are you so happy?”

His enthusiastic response was quick and surprising:  

“Because Mrs. MacKenzie … I know Jesus. Do you know Jesus?”

My affirmative answer only delighted him more.  He was SO excited to tell me his story:

You see, Juan was a survivor.  At age 14, he had tried to commit suicide by drinking a bottle of bleach.  That was his second suicide attempt. Several months earlier he had swallowed pills but was found out and sent to the hospital where he had had his stomach pumped. This time, the bleach burned all of his insides - esophagas, stomach lining, intestines - tremendously. He was in the hospital for months, and almost died as a result of the internal damage he had done. Even now, several years later, he still had intestinal issues.  But, as a result of this incident, his aunt (I believe) started talking to him about God.  Juan listened and found the Hope he had been seeking.   He wanted to become a preacher after graduation. 

I have never been so shocked and moved as I was by this student: a boy who seemed to have nothing in terms of worldly possessions, yet truly had everything he had ever desired.   

Every day when he left class he bade me farewell with the words: “God bless you Mrs. MacKenzie” -  He had no idea that HE was my blessing.  Juan gave me encouragement in a year when I was feeling burned out, questioning why I was stuck living my “fall back plan”, and wondering if what I did even mattered or made a difference. 

I have no idea what happened to Juan. He did graduate. But he never came back to visit me, and I doubt he had the financial means to keep in contact via the Internet (or other sources). But he is one student who I will NEVER forget, and who I wonder about.

His life’s story  – his smile, his authentic JOY for living – caused me to realize that every student has a "back story" – and yes, some are more shocking than others, but the cliche is true for a reason: you really can't "judge a book by its cover." Some of these kids I teach have seen more, and done more than I could possibly imagine. 

Juan's life challenged me – and STILL challenges me – to daily and authentically live out my faith.  He had no idea how much of a blessing he was to me – and still is – and I can only hope that likewise, my life impacts others.

Cause and Effect

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I get by with a little help from my friends

Three Letters, Two Perspectives: The Consequences of an Acronym

 SHE SAYS:

A little background is necessary before beginning the story of the infamous “abbreviated cursing” incident:

First: I worked at a private CHRISTIAN school.  Teachers were expected to have a Bible reading and prayer time with their students daily before each class started.  Cuss/curse words of any kind were not to be tolerated.

Second: The funding for the school was DIRECTLY connected to the ENROLLMENT. You can imagine what this meant for discipline.  There was none.  Discipline was so lax, I would send students to the Principal for defiance or disrespect or disrupting the class (the most frequent)  and they would be back in class, continuing their antics within minutes.  I can only assume that teachers complained about this issue because …

(Third) … on the morning that this now infamous incident occurred, the staff had just had a staff meeting in which the Discipline Principal stated in no uncertain terms that he would not accept any students on referrals to his office for “vague” reasons like “disrespect” or “defiance.”  If we teachers wanted to send students to the office, we had to be SPECIFIC about the reasons. He stated: “If a student says a curse word, I don’t want to see ‘cursing’ on the referral. I want the word/s written out.” 

THE INCIDENT:

The morning of the now-infamous incident was like any other.   I knew Mike had issues going on at home – a parent was ill (with cancer I believe).   He was generally a good kid, but had a short fuse - no doubt due to the stresses of the situation at home, not to mention the everyday pressures of being a teenager, trying to figure out life and your future.  

I actually don’t remember the specific reason why he got upset at me. From my recollection, as he was walking into class, I said something to him – maybe asked him where his book was – and he exploded:   

“WTF MacKenzie!” and he stormed out of the room.

I was stunned. From the sharp intake of breath from the other students I knew they expected a reaction from me. I just wasn’t sure why or how I should react. Quickly I went over in my head what he had said: “WTF” What was that?? I couldn’t figure it out.  “WTF” What did that mean? I could tell by the students' expressions they were waiting to see what I was going to do, how I was going to handle this situation.

I was a relatively new teacher. It was only my 2^nd year teaching high school. I had had no teacher education classes (besides, no teacher’s book tells you how to handle situations like this).  I was also teaching students who were privileged, used to getting their way because of the money, position, or influence their parents or grandparents had.  The fact that I was young (barely 25) and that many had older siblings my age or older, and the fact that I looked much younger than I was, meant that I felt that I had to always assert my authority. I always felt like I was walking a tightrope between being “the boss” and just being “me.” 

“WTF???” I puzzled over this for at least 30 seconds as I took out a referral, initially intending to write him up for … for what? What is the “specific reason” that I could write?? Anger issues? Yelling at the teacher??

Suddenly it flashed on me .. what “W.T.F” meant...

Always a dutiful follower of instructions, this is the referral I wrote:

I have a picture of it, because, Mike and his friends found my Very Specific Description of why I was sending him out on a referral to be hilarious – a fact that I didn’t know until the yearbook came out, and I saw just how funny they found it to be.  He had designed his whole entire “senior page” around my referral.   To say that I was mortified would be an understatement. On the other hand, I felt misunderstood.  I was simply doing what the principal had asked teachers to do if we wanted troublesome students out of the classroom. 

I believe Mike later apologized for his outburst.  At any rate, I didn’t have any other issues (that I recall) with him for the rest of the year…

HE SAYS:

On the morning of the WTF incident, I had forgotten my book in my locker. I hated going to my locker. It was the bottom locker of a stack of three, assigned to me (I theorized at the time) because I am vertically-challenged and they figure, “Eh, less distance for the kid to travel.” As such, I carried a lot of my books with me in my bag. I found it easier to break my back than squander those precious ten minutes between classes. I wasn’t doing anything particularly important during those ten minutes. They were just MINE and I WANTED them.

Anyways, as a result of my decision to become a pack mule, I would sometimes, but not often, leave books I needed in my locker, and on this day I had forgotten to grab my first period book out. I didn’t think much of it when I got there. Ms. MacK (as we lovingly referred to her) had two spare books in the room. No biggie. Class starts and, sure enough, it’s a day where we’re using the book, as opposed to days where we were in groups planning for our next project or working on our essays. I raise my hand and state that I’ve forgotten mine in my locker. She states, “Go get it, that’ll be a lunch detention” (for those not in-the-know, lunch detentions are when you come in during lunch and, instead of eating and conversing with peers, you have to do menial chores around the teacher’s room like clapping erasers or wiping down desks).

I was instantly furious. I hadn’t recalled any previous instance where a student had been disciplined in her class for forgetting their book. I was normally so GOOD about bringing it, too! As the words escaped my mouth, I remember instantly regretting it. “WTF, MacKenzie?!” As I stood up to go out to my locker, I knew I was in it. Jokingly, I tried to cover it up by putting a Christian-like spin on it by saying, “Where’s the faith?!” I could tell when I got back, by the look on Ms. Mack’s face, that she did not buy my ruse. My lunch detention got upgraded to a two-hour afterschool detention. I was even more livid, but had nobody to blame but myself. After class, I apologized and let her know I meant no disrespect. She told me she understood, and then handed me the detention slip.

My god, that detention slip. I literally had to hold back the tears of laughter until I got downstairs and out of earshot. “Abbreviated cursing – WTF”. I was CRYING. This was EASILY the funniest thing I had ever read on a detention slip (and trust me, I had read PLENTY of things on detention slips). I show all my friends. Tears. Every single one of them. Not only did my friends find it funny, but that week, the teacher proctoring the detentions, Mr. M, came running up to me in absolute hysterics over it. He immediately demanded to know the story. I told him. Tears. This story and slip were comic GOLD to not only students, but now FACULTY. I knew what this would be: this would be my LEGACY. But how would I commemorate it for future generations to see and enjoy?

Enter the Senior Yearbook Pages. As Ms. Mack stated, my father was dying of cancer at the time (he later passed on during my second semester of college). I had as many pictures of him as I could get, along with pictures of me and my brother when we were kids. Problem was I didn’t have a lot. The bulk of my childhood was, photographically speaking, lost to Hurricane Andrew. I had to come up with ways to make it work and fill the space. And then it donned on me. The slip. I had previously scanned it and posted it on my website I had during high school to much acclaim from my readers. I printed it out and submitted it, smack dab in the middle of the page. Mr. L, the yearbook coordinator, who had heard about the incident months prior, had a similar reaction to everyone else: tears. It was meant to be. Two years later, when I would take part in an internship at my former high school, Mr. L even stated to me and Mr. M whilst in the Teacher’s Lounge, “Mike Papadopoulos? An English teacher? WTF?!” A good laugh was had by all over teacher’s lounge coffee. Fun fact: that stuff tastes HORRIBLE.

Postscript:

I had no idea that I was the laughingstock of the school (faculty included) until I asked Mike - a good 10 years later - to share “his side” of the story for the blog.  We had gotten in touch again via Facebook and had joked occasionally about the “WTF”incident, but I did not realize that my detention slip had (as Mike put it) “Viral” in days when this wasn’t even a term.   Ah well.  Live and learn. And laugh at yourself. 

Cheater, Cheater, Pumpkin Eater

I have been disrespected and cussed at. I have endured abbreviated cursing (a later post, I promise).  I have been mocked and teased. I have had to talk to condescending and rude parents and endured the condescension of co-workers.  I have been belittled, ignored, and outright disobeyed.   I even had a student walk out of class to talk to his “agent” on the phone, and then another walked out of class because he was upset about taking a test.   All things that usually get teachers upset, however, not me. Not really.

For me, there really, there is only ONE thing that burns me up as a teacher. REALLY gets me angry.  Makes me want to retire. To quit right here, right now. To give everyone an “F,”  or hold a “burn the papers in front of their eyes” party.

That one thing that REALLY gets me upset?                     

                                                          

                                                                 CHEATING

Nothing gets me angry like cheating.  An inexplicable feeling of rage, combined with intense disappointment in the student and despair over the whole of the future generations comes over me whenever I catch a student cheating. (And catch them I do. Thanks to handy inventions like turnitin.com, or a recent little start-up "google" ... or when students turn in the same paper. Or hide papers behind books, under other papers, inside notebooks. Or write on their hands. Or have answers on erasers that they erase as I pass by ... or have answers on phones....)

I hate cheating so much, I start to get angry just thinking about it - my face flushes red, my blood pressure rises, my heart starts racing. I can’t even talk; I lack the adequate words to express just how much I detest it.  (I can’t even describe my current emotional state just writing about cheating)

To me, cheaters are no different than drug dealers and other lowlifes. They are taking the “easy way” out. Trying to manipulate the system. Using others to advance themselves.

If I had my way, students who cheated would immediately fail the class. If I had my way, students who cheated would have to serve community service house - picking up trash, or painting buildings, or cleaning lavatories - show them their future occupations if they continue down the path of cheating ...   

Suffice to say, I NEVER cheated as a student. NEVER.   And, I never let others cheat off of me. (A fact which earned me the nickname of “school girl.”  My retort to the guy who started calling me that, was to call him “Manuel” because – I predicted – he’d be dong manual labor in his future if he kept cheating)

So, I don’t understand why a student would be compelled to cheat. I can't have any sympathy or empathy having never "been there" myself. It baffles my mind. I can only imagine reasons why a student would cheat: perhaps the pressure to be perfect … or not understanding the assignment … or having waited too long to get started on an assignment and then just taking the easy way out.  (Or maybe just sheer laziness. a lack of morality. a lack of character) 

Lame excuses in my book.  Not a good enough reason. There is never a "good enough" reason to cheat in my opinion.

Cheating is the one thing that WILL catch up to you one day.   It shows such a lack of moral character. I always tell my students that it’s not worth it – sacrificing your integrity, your character, your reputation for a grade. A measly grade that won’t matter in 10 years. A grade that no one will remember in several weeks. A grade that has really no lifelong impact or significance.  (Especially in my class where no one grade carries enough weight that a student will fail or not graduate due to not doing well on any one assignment.)

But your character – who you are, what you do when you think no one will notice – THAT will remain with you forever. What you do when you think no one will notice will matter in "real life" - when what seems so important in high school is just a memory.

What you do when you think no one will notice is what I remember about my students. And, trust me, I never forget who cheated. Never. If no one else remembers, I remember that kid who tried to get away with it.  I might forgive. We might be able to move past it, to have a friendly relationship – but I will remember that very telling fact about your character – what you willingly sacrificed in exchange for something that in the end, doesn't even matter. 

To quote Emerson, "Character is higher than intellect. A great soul will be strong to live as well as think."  I can only wish that more of my students knew and lived like this.

"The Students I Deal With" - A Guest Blog Post by an Alt. Ed Teacher

The students I deal with in our “Alternative Ed” school are just normal, everyday kids- they have hopes and fears and ambitions and likes and dislikes. On the surface they all kind of look the same, just like every other high school student. They tend to wear the same styles, talk the same slang (maybe have a bit more saltiness to their language. OK, maybe a lot more). But inside each one is unique, each one has a “story”. They won’t always tell that story, but each one has had a very unique life- just like all other high school kids.

                The one big difference is that they have been failures, for the most part, and the reasons for their failures are as varied as the kids themselves. They may have moved from school to school, dragged along by parents or guardians from state to state.  They may have been forced to miss lots of school days- to take care of an adult, or for a sibling- to work in the fields- to care for a parent- to care for their own child. They might be school failures because their home life was one of drugs and alcohol and they were caught in the middle. Maybe their parents are in prison in another state and they live here with grandparents or relatives, or in foster care.

                Maybe they come from great, loving, caring homes- and they themselves are to blame for turning to drugs.

                Maybe they have been allowed to play X-rated video games for 5 or 6 or 10 hours a day, and now, after several years of it their sense of reality is warped.

                Maybe they are caught up in the gang life.

                The list goes on and on. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, not to just them, but to the teachers who try and try to help them out of the darkness they are in.

                But some of them are great students! Many are ultra-creative: that right-brain, mentality that doesn’t quite mesh with “mainstream”.  Many get caught up and seem to go back into the big school and on with life very well.

                The story that grips me most is one like today’s. I could see it coming from afar- a cute little girl, hanging onto a guy last year- and he hanging all over her. This year, no guy around and the cute little girl is now hugely pregnant. The single mom parent speaks only Spanish. Who knows how they pay for the household expenses.  She starts Independent Study classes and excels! A smart kid! Then she doesn’t show up to Independent Study for a week. Then two weeks, then three. No phone calls, no contact. No one answers the home phone. Then, after three weeks the mom finally answers.  The baby came early, complications, all are in San Diego at Children’s Hospital. The smart, cute little girl now has a very complicated life, full of medical terms and doctors and big city trips on a bus and welfare forms and no support and no boyfriend and a very sick baby.  School is the last thing on her mind now.

                Some people tell me my job is a ministry. I think they are right.

True Confessions: My Most Embarrassing Moment Teaching

You might think it would be the time I inadvertently wrote a sexual reference on the board for all to read whilst explaining how various words are spelled (or not) phonetically. To make matters worse, I didn’t even realize what I had written until well after the class (being too involved in my instruction) ….  the fact that just about every boy in the room was snickering should have been my first clue.  17 year old hormonal boys have one thing on the frontal lobe of their brains - and it isn’t how to spell words correctly

Or maybe it was the time that a student made sexual innuendos the entire class period - innuendos that I didn’t realize or understand  (yes, I am THAT naïve). In fact, I had no idea what he was talking about or referring to until I got home and asked my husband why that student kept saying that word over and over in class… 

You could think that it was the day that the students kept referencing drugs and I had no clue. Literally. No clue. 

Maybe the time my top button of my button down shirt popped open for only God knows how long (and I was in the front of the class) before a female student whispering pointed it out to me?  Nope.

As cringe inducing as those moments in my teaching career are, they were NOT the most embarrassing.

The most embarrassing moment of my teaching career was the time I met The Man, The Myth, The Legend:  Alex Rodriguez.

Yes. A-Rod. THE Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees baseball club. Previously of the Texas Rangers. Previously of the Seattle Mariners.  The $250 million dollar man.   THAT A-Rod.

I met him.  Shook his hand. TWICE.

You see, I had been crushing on Alex Rodriguez since my early college days when he first burst onto the baseball scene.  Being only a year older than me, and the fact that I was (and still am) an avid sports fan, I paid attention to the single (“eligible”??) young, good looking, sports figures.   The $275 million helped  a bit... And the piercing blue eyes… The natural tan… The tall athletic build …

So I had drooled after this man, followed his career for YEARS. YEARS before I got hired to teach at his high school alma mater.  By this time I was a happily married woman. The fact that he was still single went largely unnoticed by me … I mean, I was happy he was dating a teacher (his priorities were in the right place, obviously).  

My first year teaching there, he dropped by the high school a few times to visit old teachers, but, much to my disappointment, I never saw him.   Of course, with a few key questions, the students had figured out my “celebrity crush,” which, naturally, they found highly entertaining.

So there I was, hugely pregnant with my first baby (at least, in my mind I was huge. Looking back, I couldn’t have been more than 5 or 6 months along in a pregnancy in which I hardly gained any weight) … So there I was … FEELING hugely pregnant ... greasy with excess oils in my already oily-prone skin from excess of hormones (thanks pregnancy), hot (again, thanks pregnancy hormones) and in the last period of an average school day, when a knock on the door interrupted the class.   Like a scene from my best dream and worst nightmare, Alex Rodriguez walked in, followed closely by the Superintendent of the school.

I blushed to a slight shade of deep purple. It was all the students could do to not break out into laughter.  To their credit, they held it in and acted as cool as 17 year olds who-know-their-teacher- is-freaking-out could.  A-Rod was there to pitch some basketball  tournament he was involved in at the school for his Foundation.  He was stopping in to various classes to encourage the students to come out and play.

He shook my hand, was friendly, extremely polite and pleasant.  And all I could focus on was the fact that #1. His clothes were mismatched (Canary Yellow pants and a Hot Pink shirt … I remember thinking: “Well I guess $275 million dollars doesn’t equal fashion sense”) and #2. He was a LOT taller and broader than I had ever imagined and #3. His eyes really WERE that shade of blue/green.

I felt faint. I was dizzy.  I started to sweat profusely. (I’m sure it was only the pregnancy hormones) I kept wondering, on a scale of 1-10 just how unprofessional would it be to ask if I could get a picture with him?  I probably would have asked for one, except for the fact that my Superintendent was still there, standing by the door, smiling at her prodigy.  (Because of which, I decided a photo op with my college –era crush just wasn’t worth my job … a decision I regret to this day)

All told, he was in my class for about 5 minutes. It felt like 5 hours. 

When the door shut as they left, the class literally ERUPTED in laughter that could have been heard on the moon.  I have no doubt A-Rod knew what the deal was.  Of course, I turned an even deeper shade of purple. I was beyond red.  I can only be thankful that this event occurred in the pre-Smart Phone Era as I am 100% sure my reaction would have ended up on Youtube.

I never saw him in person again. I’m told if I had gone to the basketball tournament I would have been able to see him, to take pictures, to possibly regain some of the dignity I had lost during his class visit.  But… I didn’t.  I didn’t have the nerve to face him again.   

A-Rod in the high school glory days

A-Rod today on the big stage in the Big Apple

"My Son Is A Genius" ... or ... "The Top 3 Craziest Things Parents Have Said To Me"

#1.  “My son is a genius”

“You don’t understand; my son is a genius” the mother lecturing me said. “No, really,” She continued, “He’s probably smarter than you. We had him tested in the 4^th grade. He tested at the genius level.”   Little Einstein had gotten caught cheating on a paper. And mom was angry, spitting fire, that he had gotten caught. By me:  a teacher who obviously wasn’t smart enough to recognize a Genius when he sat in the front row of my class!  She was determined to correct the error in my judgment – her Genius of a boy didn’t know he had to cite sources for the research paper because I had never told him to do so.  Of course! How could I have been so dumb to forget a key piece of information – kids, you can’t just buy/copy a paper off of the Internet and turn it in as your own.   Any genius knows that.  Or … maybe not.

Sadly, this was NOT the only instance I’ve seen of what I call the MCIAG or “My Child Is A Genius” Syndrome.

Many parents do not want to hear that their precious baby might not have the intellectual capabilities that they thought they did: “But she’s won AWARDS in writing” or “He’s ALWAYS gotten straight A’s in English” are insinuating accusations that the ONLY reason their child ISN’T doing well THIS time, in THIS class, is because of the you - the teacher.  Don’t you DARE be the expert and try to tell them that your child isn’t really ready for the rigor and challenge of the AP course you teach. What do you know? You’re only the teacher!! We’re dealing with GENIUS people!!!! And then … when the kid is struggling to make a “C” in the class … well, it must be the teacher’s fault.   The teacher must be doing something wrong – WHY??? Because ....“My Child Is A Genius”!!!!

#2.  “You are NOT going to ruin my son’s acceptance to Duke”

He didn’t realize that turning in the same exact paper as his friend was considered “cheating.” – Another doozy of an excuse a mother (why is it always mothers coming to the defense of their children?) gave me when her son and his best friend got caught turning in the same exact paper.  In the parent teacher conference, she said (quite condescendingly to me) “You are NOT going to ruin my son’s acceptance to Duke.”  This grade, which would have made the difference between a “B” and a “C” for the semester, was absolutely NOT going to be the deciding factor in his life. He absolutely WAS going to go to Duke to become a Doctor and there would be Hell to pay if a little cheating got in the way of that!! 

They didn’t know that it wasn’t a “group” assignment.  How dare I expect a high school senior to do his work, on his own, without being explicitly TOLD to do so?  How dare I assume that he has the intelligence to know that after 7 months of being required to his own assignments in my class, that he wouldn’t need a specific guideline as to how NOT to cheat on THIS particular one?  Again, my fault.

Now I didn’t go to Duke, or any Ivy League school right out of high school, and, some of my students probably did score higher than me on the SAT – but I was still smart enough to know that  you do your own work.  Period. 

#3.  “You changed So-And-So’s grade because the Coach came into your classroom and FLIRTED with you”

Yes. Yes. Yes people. These are all true stories.  This was an accusation an angry, angry, angry, ANNNNGRRRRY mother hurled at me in a phone call I answered in the middle of one of my class periods.  I had no idea how to respond to her (and to be honest, I wasn’t given much of a chance before she cursed at me and hung up the phone. I really don’t know that I said much other than “Hello” and “What?!”) Mind you, I was in the middle of teaching a class and had 30+ students listening to my side of the conversation.  I had NO IDEA what she was talking about THEN, and I have NO IDEA what she was talking about NOW!   She was upset (obviously) because she thought her precious child’s grade should have been changed to be higher one, and, in an earlier meeting, I had refused to do so. My principles are that I don’t “give” grades, students earn them.  He hadn’t earned a higher grade. I wasn’t going to give him something he hadn’t earned.

I CAN say that in my 13 years of teaching, I have NEVER had a coach ask me to change a student’s grade, with, or without, flirting. I have actually never had a coach ASK about a student’s grade other than questioning if the athlete turned in the assignment he needed to.  Behavior? Yes. Absolutely.  Coaches have asked how a student has been behaving, but not grades. I’m sure it happens in some schools, but not in mine, or at least, not to me.

It was a weird and strange accusation and to this day I am puzzled and bewildered by it; and flabbergasted that somewhere out there in the universe, someone honestly and truly probably believes this to be true. 

It goes without saying that NOT ALL my students’ parents are crazies.  I truly don’t think that I would have as great of students as I do if their parents were mentally unbalanced.  Obviously my students are a product of their home environment to a certain extent, and by and large, the parents that I’ve had have been supportive, encouraging, and pretty respectful of me as a person and the position of authority I hold, and their kids are the same.  

Students Are The Real Teachers ... Part 1

He was one of the kids I had been warned about: Rowdy. Wild.  Undisciplined.  Rumor had it he was the sole cause a previous teacher had quit.   If I was going to survive the year, I would need to be firm. In control.  The boss.   As a novice teacher, I was nervous.    Would I be able to handle the challenge? Did I really want this stress? What if I couldn’t control the class?

What I encountered the first day of school was a boy: Energetic. Eager. Excited for a fresh start.  He didn’t know what I had been told about him. I didn’t tell him.  New school year, New teacher = Clean Slate.

He was sweet, funny, playful, inventive.  He was wiggly, talkative, quick tempered, easily distracted.  He forgot homework that I had seen him working on in class. He lost important papers, notes that needed to go home. His desk was a disaster zone.  He would get frustrated with me and my rules, and with himself.

Sometimes when he was hyper, I would send him out to run a lap (or two) around the playground field, to work off his extra energy. Come in when you can concentrate.  Sometimes I invented excuses for him to leave the classroom for a few minutes, to walk to the office to drop off a “note” to the secretary, or to deliver papers to a teacher down the hall.  I kept a special folder on my desk so he wouldn’t lose his classwork between the classroom and home and his return to school the next day.  

I worried that my “help” was really going to hurt him in the long run.  I wasn’t teaching the “life lessons” he needed to learn.  I wasn’t forcing the personal responsibility he was going to need for school later on, or for a successful life … but for the first time, he was succeeding. His grades were improving.  Kids in the class volunteered to help him with classwork so he didn’t have to take it home.  They helped him clean his desk out, organizing it and re-organizing it when it got messy.   I worried I was teaching the other kids to enable. 

People commented on what a changed boy he had become.  His attitude was different, they said. He isn’t a terror, they marveled.  I wondered what they were talking about.  He was the same sweet kid he had been the first day of school.  Who was the monster they all described?

Report card time came.  He made the Honor Roll.  The whole class cheered as he went to receive his award.  They told me it was the first time in his life he had ever made Honor Roll.  I had no idea that this was his first time experiencing success.  His mom thanked me later, with tears in her eyes, for all that I had done to help.  It was and still is the most fulfilling moment of my entire teaching career. 

At the end of the year ceremony, I predicted a bright, successful future for this boy.  I hoped that he felt like someone, at some point in his life, believed in him.  I married, moved away, lost contact with the boy and others who knew him.  I have no idea where he is or who he has become. 

I often feel discouraged and frustrated with my job.  The expectations are so high and really unrealistic.  “Teachers Inspire” we are told – but we rarely hear or see the results of having been an “inspiration.”   I don’t know if I have made a difference in the lives of my students in the years since this boy. But I do know that for one boy, for one year, I helped.  He is the reason why I stayed a teacher.  He is the one I think about when I feel like giving up.  I don't know if, or who the next one will be, or when, or how, but I do know the clichéd saying is true: Teachers DO make a difference in someone’s life … sometimes.

Five Things I LOVE about my job

1. The Dress Code: I love that jeans, school polos/t-shirts, and khaki pants are considered acceptable attire!

2.  The Schedule:  I admit - I love getting off work at 3pm. Those "late nights at the office" are my definition of torture! 

3.  Christmas Break:  Call it "winter break" if you must be politically correct, but we all know we're getting out for Christmas.  I LOVE that I get 2 weeks off!! 

4.  That "A-Ha" moment: When students FINALLY "get" it and understand a concept or make a connection to another work or their lives. 

5.  My students: I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I get the best kids; every year I luck out!

One of my classes of graduating seniors - Class of 2013

If I Ran The World ... (part 1)

If I Ran the World ...

*Lunches would be longer than 40 min.

*School would be over by noon - every day

(Oh yes, with this platform, I fully expect to be a write in candidate in the next Presidential elections!)

The Things I Tell Them ...

     1. You are NOT the Grade you receive. 

They always laugh at this one. A few will mutter, “Yeah, tell that to my mom.” Most understand what I mean by it: YOU aren’t the sum of grades you earn. YOU have value, worth, significance beyond what you achieve (or don’t achieve in some cases). You are special because you are. I wish more of my students realized this. I wish more of their parents realized this.  I don’t think that they would achieve less if they felt valued for who they were as a person. I don’t think that they would feel entitled to slack off, or that failing grades were acceptable. I do think it would ease the pressure, and the stress, and the feeling of the need to cheat because they can’t measure up to expectations. I do think my students would have less depression, less anxiety, less self-loathing if they felt accepted for BEING.  

2.   You don’t need to go to college to be financially successful in life … but it sure helps if you do.  

We’ve all heard the Steve Jobs and Bill Gates stories – how they dropped out of college and founded what eventually became multimillion dollar companies.  But, let’s face it. Most of my students are no Steve Jobs or Bill Gates.  However, that doesn’t mean they can’t not go to college and still be successful financially in life.  I know plenty of self employed real estate agents, insurance agents, hair stylists, make-up artists, computer techs, etc. who never finished that degree.  College isn’t for everyone.  But it sure helps to get that foot in the door of a job if you have that piece of paper.

3. It’s as much who you know as what you know.  

 Learn the art of having a conversation with people who are not the same as you or who don’t have the same interests as you do. Learn how to make small talk. WHO you know gets your foot in the door. WHAT you know keeps you there. 

4.  If all else fails .... go back to #1.