Always In My Heart - Remembering Martin and Brian

Last Christmas break I left for vacation never imagining I wouldn’t see one of my students again; he was killed the day before we were to go back to school.  As this Christmas vacation draws closer and closer, and the one year anniversary of his death grows near, I find myself remembering last year, and thinking about him. 

Martin was a person who was so ALIVE, it is still difficult to think of him as being anything but. He was so vibrant, so happy, so always full of joy.  Even for an 8am class, when most of the class was half awake, or in a semi-comatose state, Martin was wide awake. He walked in to class every day with a pep to his step. Sometimes with some sort of design shaved into his fade – his football number was one I remember, but always, always, always with a smile on his face.  Our last conversation was so insignificant – about college applications or his future plans – but like all “last” things, it took on greater meaning after he was gone. 

Mine was the first class faced with the reality of his death – he should have been there at 8am that Monday morning.  It was one of the most difficult days of my life.  What do you say to a class of high school students when they’ve just had a friend die? When they are suddenly faced with their own mortality?

Several years before Martin died, another student of mine, Brian, died after a tragic sports related injury. Brian was in my class his junior year and again his senior year.  Brian once wrote a “love poem” to the girl sitting across the aisle and got caught passing it to her. At the class’ urging, I read it out loud to the class, much to their mutual embarrassment. I still have his poem, posted on my Wall, a fond memory of a likeable kid and a funny moment in class. Our last conversation was filled with joking and teasing – Brian had just gotten a new “grill” and I was teasing him about it, never imagining that he wouldn’t be sitting in my class again the next day.

 Although I am a person who feels emotions very deeply, it is very difficult for me to express them.  I don’t know how to put into words what I feel – and I very rarely show emotion (and if, and when I do, I am very embarrassed). 

One fact that I have accepted is that my students are much more important to me than I am to them.  It is my JOB to pay attention to them, to read what they write, to listen to them talk, to discuss ideas and philosophies with them.  I am paid to know them as individuals. And I take that responsibility seriously.  But the fact of the matter is, it’s not always a two way street.  I remember as a junior in high school I was completely surprised when my high school History teacher saw me at a sporting event and knew my name. It never occurred to me that my teachers might know me outside of their classroom walls; it never occurred to me that they might actually care about me. Now that I’m a teacher, I see things differently.

When I was in high school, I had a classmate die in a car accident.  I had just moved to the area, and though I didn’t know her well, she was one of the few students at the school who was friendly and nice to the “new kid.”  One day shortly after her death, in our English class, my teacher had a meltdown  and kicked her empty desk over.   Our class was horrified mostly because we felt that he had desecrated her seat, which was sacred now that she no longer sat there.  Until Brian and Martin died, I didn’t understand his violent, emotional reaction.  But after Brian and Martin’s deaths … I understood completely.  Nothing is more real and harsh than the reality of that empty desk sitting in the classroom. The desk that had once been filled with the light and life of a student you cared about … now an empty reminder of the light and life you lost.  

I hope this Christmas you remember to cherish those who surround you with life and light and love. Because, although it may be cliché to say, life is so short and you never know when your last moments with them will be. Say the words you need to say before it’s too late – forgive, be kind, show love.

True Confessions: Nightmares

I’ve written before about my teaching nightmares. One of my worst teaching nightmares is that I will oversleep and miss my classes entirely.  This usually results in my automatic firing (whoever heard of “tenure” in a nightmare?), utter humiliation, not to mention tons of stress on my part.

This fear is so real that I usually set no less than 2 alarm clocks to wake me up in the morning, even though I normally wake before either of them actually goes off. It makes no difference that I will probably wake up before I need to – I have to set (and check and recheck) all the alarm clocks to “wake me up” on time.  This obsessive compulsive alarm clock behavior is probably because I actually DID oversleep one time and woke up with only 20 minutes to go before school started. Luckily for me, I had just graduated from college and had the whole “get up and rush out the door to class” routine down to a science.  I made it to work on time, but only just barely. It’s a good thing they were just 4^th graders – too young to notice or care if their teacher had a bad hair day or not!

One time I woke up looked at the clock and freaked out - I was late! I was late! I rushed to get ready, showered, dressed and was making my breakfast when I looked at the kitchen clock. So certain that it was wrong, I checked another – they read the same time: it was 2:30 AM.  Somehow I had misread my alarm clock (or mis-set it, I’m still not sure what happened) – and woke up at 2AM instead of my normal wake-up time. 

I have had mini-freak outs mentally if I sleep late on a Saturday or vacation day, thinking I’ve overslept and will never make it to work on time.  Nothing like a good jolt of “Oh My Gosh I’m Late!” adrenaline rush to really get you ready to face a bunch of teenagers! 

Tips: On Talking To The Teacher

Parent Conferences should be what you do when you’ve tried everything else – and by “everything else” I mean: call the teacher, email the teacher, contact the counselor, have your student talk to the teacher, write a note, send a carrier pigeon ….  There is not a teacher alive who looks forward to or enjoys the parent teacher conference.

 For one, they take up our time. Time is a precious commodity to a teacher – we don’t have enough of it as it is, and the last thing we want to do on our prep period is sit and listen to you ask questions that could have been asked and answered in an email, or a 5 min. phone call. Keep in mind when you are in a parent conference that this is most likely the LAST PLACE ON EARTH the teacher wants to be at that moment in time.

So, keep it short. Again, the parent conference is the LAST PLACE ON EARTH the teacher wants to be – she likely has stacks and stacks of papers to grade and planning to do – which cannot be accomplished while she is in the conference with you. Rambling on and on about how little Johnny won a contest in your subject area when he was in the 5^th grade (and how his 2^nd grade teacher predicted he would be President one day) really has no bearing on Johnny’s current grade in the class – stay focused on the issue at hand.

Be polite.  The teacher is not a person you want as an enemy. You do your student no favors when you are rude to her teacher.  Remember that this person hold your student’s grade literally in the palm of his hands. He may not be your favorite person in the world, you don't have to send him a Christmas card, but it would behoove you to be polite when talking to him, when asking about his teaching strategies or when questioning a grade.  

Ask questions rather than commanding or demanding things. Questions such as “Is there anything we can do to fix this grade?” are likely to work a whole lot better in your favor than “You need to change this grade.”  You may get the same answer (“No”)  – but the question technique will leave the teacher more willing to work with you than against you.  

Finally, don’t wait until  last week, last part of the grading period, the day before graduation, or once the grades have already been issued to talk to the teacher to fix whatever issue your student may be having. 

Chances are great that the longer you wait, the less the teacher can (or is willing to) do.  The same goes for problems your student may be having in the class with other students, the teacher’s personality or a specific grading issue. Once the grades have been issued, it's almost certain that a teacher will not go back and change the grade. 

Myth Busters - the truths about teaching an AP class

For almost all of my 13 year teaching career I have had at least one AP class. However, it has only been recently that I've come to realize that there are quite a few myths floating around out there in the rest of the world about teaching AP classes. I've had students, former students, and even fellow teachers ask me about these myths - so today, I'm going to set the record straight:

Myth #1 – AP teachers get paid extra to teach AP classes.

                

HA!! This is a myth I wish were true!  I have heard rumors of some AP teachers in school districts get paid a stipend much like a coach for a sports team would – these AP stipends are (in my opinion and experience) like unicorns – something we’d all like to see … but probably won’t in reality. In most school districts, teacher pay depends on two things and two things only: Education and Experience. A teacher is a teacher is a teacher – it doesn’t matter if he teaches PE or AP Economics, if two teachers have the same level of education and the same years of teaching experience, they will get paid the same amount of money. 

Myth #2 – AP teachers get to choose what they teach.

                

Again, not true.  In most districts the Administrators or Department Chairs pick who teaches what level or course within the department. While my Administrators have been kind enough to let me know in advance (and send me to AP Conferences for training when I asked for it), I had pretty much No Say in what I taught or how many sections of that course I taught. 

Myth #3 – Teaching AP students is easy because they are the “smart kids”

                

This one makes me laugh. It’s usually a myth that floats around other there in the teaching world (and beyond) perpetuated by those who have never taught and AP class. While yes, there are very many “smart kids” in an AP course, by no means is EVERY child sitting in the class a “smart” one – although, they all THINK they are (and their PARENTS think they are)! 

There are a couple of frustrating aspects to teaching the AP kids:

#1, They procrastinate like nobody’s business. They are expert procrastinators. You may as well not give them an assignment until the day before you want it due – heck, give ‘em 6 hours to turn it in – that’s when they are going to work on it anyways. You give an AP kid 6 weeks to research and write a 6 page paper – guaranteed he waits until 6 hours (or less) before the date due to even START the research.  This is partially not their fault: most AP students I’ve taught are overloaded with AP courses – some taking as many as 5 at a time (sometimes while simultaneously taking actual college courses) and being involved in band, choir, sports, volunteering, owning their own businesses, helping out the family business …. 

#2. AP kids demand their teachers bring their “A-game” every single class. Trust me, they know when you are B.S. ing them and they know when you are phoning it in at work – and they don’t tolerate either. It's a lot easier to tell a student what to think than it is to teach a student HOW to think. AP kids want to know the HOW and the WHY, not just the "what."

Yeah, this doesn't really happen in AP classes

 #3. Often the AP students will challenge the teacher on ideas/philosophies/statements/due dates/ grades received for assignments/grades they received for semesters/grades in general – basically, they like to argue. 

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Myth #4 – AP students are the “good kids”

 

             

Uh. Not all of them. AP students are just the kids who are smart and/or experienced enough to know how to get away with things and not get caught.

Myth #5 – Other than assigning more work, AP classes aren’t really all that different from other classes.

                

Well, this may be true in some AP classes in some districts, but not in my class. While often times the CONTENT might not change (let’s face it, American History is American History. Ain’t gonna change AP or not) – the Questions Asked are more difficult, and the Expectations and Demands placed on the AP student are higher than students in other classes.  What I expect my AP students to know how to do and how to think in contrast to what I expect of my other students is vastly different. The conversations my AP students have about the works we study are much more analytical and in depth than in my other courses. This is probably the biggest reason why I LOVE teaching AP – it is an intellectually stimulating environment to be in. I learn from my students. I love to give them something that they’ve never seen before and hear the conversations – the puzzlement, the excitement of “figuring it out,” the discussions over what something means – it’s fresh and new and not always right and not always intellectual … but watching them process and LEARN is rewarding.