The Things They Tell Me

In my almost 11 years of teaching high school students, I’ve realized that they will tell me anything.  Literally, A-N-Y-thing.   More than I want to know. More than I need to know. More than I thought I would ever know.  Much of what I’ve learned has been written in essays they never thought I’d read, or papers I’m sure they thought I just stamped and never glanced at. They were wrong.  I always read everything that comes across my desk.  Many students just want someone to listen to them.  They need to hear themselves talk out problems or issues – so they talk to me. And I just listen.   

I’ve heard, “I’m gay.” And, “My girlfriend might be pregnant,” and, “I’m pregnant.”  I’ve been told about abusive fathers, and stepfathers and moms who “hate me.”  And about being bullied by other students. That “my parents got divorced when I was 8 … and I still cry at night about it.” I’ve read that their biggest regret in life was losing their virginity.  And, how they smoke weed.  I’ve heard about the dangers of driving high.  I’ve been told about boyfriends who are abusive, and about the pressure they feel from their boyfriend/girlfriend to have sex. I’ve heard all about friend drama, and team drama, and who does sexting,  and coaches who “hate” them, and injuries, and practice, and who they Really-want-to-ask-to-Prom-and-why-they-asked-someone-else-to go.  I’ve read about not having enough to eat at home, and how their parents fight over money.   I’ve read “I’m lonely” and, “I have learned you can’t trust anyone.”  I’ve read details on suicide attempts.  I’ve heard all about college dilemmas and the pressure they feel from their parents to be: Like their sister/brother. Perfect. Successful.  Smart. 

I’ve also read about the lasting influence a grandma has had. And how they will never forget her hugs, love, and special recipes. I’ve read all about a grandpa who taught them the value of hard work, an older sibling who stood up for them. I’ve heard about the aunts and uncles who saved their lives and took them in and raised them as their own. And coaches who comforted them when they were going through a tough time, coaches who disciplined them for slacking off, coaches to whom they feel they owe any success in life, coaches who were the father figure they needed since their dad walked out/was put in jail/was never around.  I’ve read about how much they admire their single mom’s determination to work her minimum wage job so there is food on the table, and how their biggest fear in life is of disappointing her.  I’ve read about hopes for their futures – graduations, joining the military, what it feels like to be the first person ever in their family to attend a college or university.  I’ve heard about “true love” and marriages (yes, I’ve had high school seniors get married) and babies. 

I’ve read and cried and admired these kids I am privileged to teach and to know in this small way. I admire their resilience, their ability to hope and dream in spite of desperate situations, and their determination to make their parents/coach/sibling/themselves proud. I’ve learned that all kids really want is a balance of love and discipline -                                   

And a listening ear.